


Forgiveness Takes Time

by Balyse93



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Anathema needs a vacation, Angst, Aziraphale Has Issues (Good Omens), Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale has no common sense, Crowley Has Issues (Good Omens), Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Ineffable Idiots (Good Omens), M/M, No beta we fall like Crowley, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:27:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22243324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Balyse93/pseuds/Balyse93
Summary: Does happily ever after really exist?
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 58





	1. Chapter One

He didn't mean for it to happen this way. This wasn't how things were supposed to be. They were supposed to be happy, be free, be _together_. He wasn't supposed to be left here, drunk and alone. Alone was something that was supposed to be in the past. Not the future, not their future. But here he sits, drunk, alone, his apartment in tatters. The angel, his angel, had walked out and left him. Alone. How had he let it get this far? Things were good. Perfect even. Now. Now he's alone. Cold. Left behind by the only thing he ever cared about. The only one who ever offered a kind smile, word, wing. How had it come to this? Crowley rolled off his stomach and onto his back, fighting back the nausea that threatened to overtake him. He struggled to remember why he was laying on the cold floor. His head hurt, his stomach was rolling. His glasses were shattered next to him. He cracked on eye half open, squinting in the dim light.

_I can't do this anymore!_

_Is this how we're always going to be?_

_I'm not sure I can forgive this._

_I don't want to see you right now Crowley._

Crowley faught another wave of nausea, running to the kitchen to vomit in the sink. The memories he tried to quiet with alcohol coming back in full force. He heaved over the sink, emptying his stomach of everything he'd had the night before. _Not like there was much to begin with. At least it's liquid already._ He rinsed his mouth in the sink, attempting to wash the taste of regret from his mouth _. It shouldn't be this hard. He's been gone months. When does this feeling stop._ Straightening up from the sink the demon took stock of his surroundings. An overturned kitchen table, broken chairs, his glasses smashes into oblivion on the kitchen floor. _This has got to stop._ He slumps down to the floor, snapping his fingers for a fresh bottle of whiskey. Taking long gulps, he relishes the way it burns, warming his freezing insides. _I guess it can stop tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow I can wake up and the world can make sense again._

But he knows. He knows without his angel, the world may never make sense again. Time passes without Crowley's knowledge. Bottles piling up beside him, the stench of alcohol wafting off him, he drinks. And he knows.

Tomorrow he will wake up. Tomorrow he will stand, try to make sense of what happened. Try to understand why. Try to think of anything but the angel. But he knows. But that's for tomorrow. Tonight, he will drink. He will drink, and drink, until he can't be bothered to care about tomorrow. Tonight, he will drink, and he will remember. He will remember the feeling of warmth as his angel cards his soft fingers through his hair. Remember the way the sun seemed to shine brighter when he looked at the angel, when his angel smiled at him. Remember how soft and perfect his lips fit against the demon's own. Remember how it felt to wake up warm, safe, happy. Surrounded by the love his angel had. Remember the way his soft blue eyes twinkled whenever Crowley did something mischievous.

But he will also remember the way those soft blue eyes turned into hard icey steele. How his mouth had thinned, almost disappearing in his rage. The way those hands and stopped reaching for him, and began stopping him from reaching. He will remember the way that safe, warm feeling he always had around his angel left the room. In its wake was a feeling of ice, of a love lost. Remember the way his sweet, caring angel had turned away, cold and distant.

_"I can't do this anymore. You promised it would stop."_

_"It will, angel I'm sorry!"_

_"You say that, but do you really mean it? Is this how we're always going to be?"_

Crowley will remember how the words his angel spoke hurt. He will remember the anger that burned in his vienes. Remember the words that rushed before thinking. He will remember the way those beautiful blue eyes filled with tears. The way it felt like the air had been sucked out of the room, and how his angel had walked away.

_Crowley sneered at the angel. Of course he wouldn't understand. He never understood. Anger filled his body, hot and fast. The words tumbled from his mouth before he could stop them._

_"Why can't you ever just believe me? Is it because I'm a demon? Of course, throw that back at me why don't you! And just where are you going to go, huh? Go running back to Heaven? They don't want you either!"_

_The room was a deadly silent as Crowley stood wide eyed in shock. He hadn't meant to be so harsh, but the angel just never listens! He hadn't meant to do it, it hadn't been planned. Never even thought of. And yet, here they were. Crowley standing, staring as the angels eyes filled with unshed tears. He reached for his angel, almost begging with his eyes for the angel to understand._

_"Hey, angel wait. I'm sorry. That was wrong, I'm wrong. I know-"_

_"I'm not sure I can forgive this. I'm not sure I can do any of this anymore. If this is how we're going to be I can't do it."_

_The angel was whispering the words as he turned. Crowley rushed to his side, trying to grasp the angel's arm, jacket, anything. Anything to stop him. But Crowley was stopped a mere arms length by strong, firm hands. He tried reaching again, only to have the angel pull his hands back. Crowley hit his knees, truly begging._

_"I don't want to see you right now Crowley. I'm going to go away, please don't look. You won't be able to find me. We need to work ourselves out, and I don't think we can do that together."_

_"Please. Angel. Aziraphale. Please don't. One time, one time I mess up. You'll leave me over one time?"_

_The tears began falling now. Crowley's vision blurred, he wiped them furiously from his eyes. Needing to see the angel clearly. This may be the last time, he wants the memory burned into his eyes._

" _Crowley, people were injured! They almost died! It wasn't a harmless joke you played, there were lives at stake!"_

_"I can stop!"_

_"Then why didn't you?"_

_Crowley didn't have an answer. Only hung his head in shame. The angel turned and went out the door, the soft click of the lock echoing in the empty apartment. The warmth, the light, the love gone with such a small noise. Crowley snapped his fingers, downing the bottle whiskey that appeared in a few long swallows. He snapped again, brining forth more alcohol. Anything to drive away the cold. He let his anger consume him, as he had days before. Basked in the feeling if warmth from the whiskey in his throat, the fire in his vienes. He threw the empty bottles at the walls. Screamed at the plants, causing them to curl on themselves and quake in fear. He upturned the entire apartment. Smashed paintings, sculptures were crumbled into rubble, furniture upturned and tore to shreds. He let the fire consume him, and when it had burned out days later he stood in the middle of it all. And he decided he would fix it tomorrow._

Many tomorrows have come and gone. Some days he's able to do more than vomit and drink before the memories overtake him. Some days he even begins to pick up the remains of his destroyed apartment. But it never lasts. The memories, the anger, wells up quickly. So he drinks. And drinks. And he remembers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you got this far thank you! I'm not sure where this is going, but it's the first time I've wrote something in over 10 years, so we'll just have to see what happens! I apologize in advanced for the rollercoaster mess this will be.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up! I'm constantly adding tags as this goes, because I don't know what's going on. Please check them!

Aziraphale sat motionless in the mess of his flat, seemingly lost in thought. One might assume that was simply the issue, until you looked closely. A layer of dust sat over top of the angel, making his hair look dingy and grey instead of its usual snow blonde. His blue eyes were unfocused, looking far off into the distance. His face was blank, solidifying the impression of one being lost in thought. Inside however, the angel was in turmoil. He was lost in a repeat of months past, living his own groundhog day. His own personal hell. 

_ It was just another day. Overcast sky's, a light wind fresh with the promise of spring swiftly arriving. The smell of new life, the promise of better times. They should have been better. Things should have been perfect; he had Crowley. Had him in every way he had wanted for over 6,000 years. Had the smiles Crowley only let him see, the deep belly laughs, the secret twinkle in those gorgeous serpent eyes Aziraphale had longed to see. A softer side; the demon fresh from sleep, rumbled with bed hair. Lounging in the angel's lap, his hands running through the demon's hair. Everything was going well. Mostly. At first.  _

_ It all started small. Crowley was less self-assured, easily agitated, constantly working himself into a frenzy. He was much more tentative towards their relationship than Aziraphale. Desperate to prove himself to the angel, as if there was anything left to prove. He was never more pleased than to hear praise from his angel. And at first the angel was more than willing to give it. He constantly sang Crowley's praise; his cooking, his choice in drink, how he looked that day. He could get drunk off the soft blush that ran across the demons face whenever he was praised. But that was before.  _

_ Before Crowley became restless.  _

_ Before Crowley started drinking daily.  _

_ Before the harsh tones.  _

_ Before the undeserved mistrust.  _

_ Before the accident.  _

Silent tears ran down the angel's face, leaving a dirty streak in their path. Small rivets carved in the dust and dirt that had accumulated in the months of immobility.  _ How much longer can I survive this? When does this get easier? Was this because of me?  _

Aziraphale's thoughts always turned back to that day. 

_ The sound of the tires screeching. The smell of smoke, the stench of alcohol rolling off Crowley. Aziraphale knew he'd been drinking more lately. Too much really. As much as the angel pretend not to notice, pretended things were fine, it was becoming obvious. Crowley was spiraling out of control. His temper, the drinking, the fights.  _

_ The screaming had been what drew the angel out from the bookshop. Crowley's beloved Bentley crashed into the front of a nearby shop, the demon stumbling from the car, cursing the car, store, eventually Aziraphale when got to close. The angel ran into the store, by passing the ranting demon.  _

_ "Of bloody courssse y're more worried bout the humanssss than me. Jussta demon me. Notin' worth worryin' bout here!" He all but screamed as Aziraphale ran past, tapping the demon to sober him, hoping Crowley would allow it.  _

_ "Really Crowley! Now isn't the time for one of your fits! Do something to clear the block before something else happens!" Aziraphale yelled, snapping his fingers to move the car, and fix the front of the store. He assessed the humans, thankfully no lasting damage had been done as there were few people out this early. A few patrons, mostly adults. However, there was a child hurt. A large gash on his head, scrapes covering his hands and face. Both legs laying at an odd angle were the building had collapsed. His small shirt darkening with sweat, and blood. He rushed to aid the small dear, trying to stop things before it was too late. He hardly noticed the feeling of time stopping, sending a quick prayer of thanks that Crowley had allowed himself to be sobered. Aziraphale was to busy fixing the injuries to notice the demon had slid to his side, tears streaming down his face, sobbing over the small boy.  _

_ "Angel, you gotta believe me! I didn't think it would be this bad! Just a quick pop over here, just needed to see you. You left so quick last time, I'm sorry. Please-" he rambled before the sobs over took his skinny frame. Glasses abandoned in his drunken lapse. The angel turned raised from his kneeling position by the boy, and turned to face the nearly hysterical demon.  _

_ "Crowley. Stop. We need to get you home." _

_ "I stopped time again, wanted to give you time. I'm so sorry." _

_ The demon sniffed, moving towards Aziraphale, attempting to enclose the angel in his arms. For the first time in six melinia Aziraphale recoiled from Crowley's touch. The demon's face twitched, then hardened over. He dropped his hands to his sides, jerking his head towards the car. The angel followed, sliding into the passengers side just as Crowley slammed him door and the Bentley roared to life. Crowley drove erratically, the angel to lost in thought to even raise an eyebrow towards him. They reached Crowley's flat in record time, both silent in the lift ride. Silent as they reached the living room. Until it all erupted.  _

_ "I can't do this anymore. You promised it would stop." The angel was shaking with anger, fear, regret, and shame. Had he been braver, been more careful they wouldn't be here.  _

_ "It will, angel I'm sorry!" _

_ "You say that, but do you really mean it? Is this how we're always going to be?" _

_ "It will, angel I'm sorry!" _

_ His resolve was weakening. Every fiber in his being was wanting to reach out and hold Crowley close. Shield him from the aftermath of his own doing.  _

_ "Why can't you ever just believe me? Is it because I'm a demon? Of course, throw that back at me why don't you! And just where are you going to go, huh? Go running back to Heaven? They don't want you either!"  _

_ Aziraphale's blood ran cold. His heart dropped to his stomach, his breathing stopped. A fire began to burn deep in his body. As it welled up into his chest, he fought to keep himself composed.  _

_ "Hey, angel wait. I'm sorry. That was wrong, I'm wrong. I know-" _

_ "I'm not sure I can forgive this. I'm not sure I can do any of this anymore. If this is how we're going to be I can't do it." _

_ The tears were welling up in his eyes. The need to reach out becoming nearly unbearable again, the angel took a deep breath, steeling his resolve.  _

_ "I don't want to see you right now Crowley. I'm going to go away, please don't look. You won't be able to find me. We need to work ourselves out, and I don't think we can do that together." _

_ He could feel his heart shatter with every word. There wasn't another way out of this. Crowley was hurting, and it was killing the angel.  _

_ "Please. Angel. Aziraphale. Please don't. One time, one time I mess up. You'll leave me over one time?" _

_ They both knew it wasn't one. How many times had it been now? Nothing was good enough. Aziraphale wasn't good enough, his love wasn't enough. The demon needed more than he could give. He needed someone stronger. Better. Someone more capable. More loving. Someone more.  _

_ "Crowley, people were injured! They almost died! It wasn't a harmless joke you played, there were lives at stake!" _

_ "I can stop!" _

_ "Then why didn't you?" _

_ As Aziraphale walked away from his love, when the door clicked into place, he snapped his fingers returning to the bookshop. Only then did he allow the first tear to fall. As he sunk to the floor, body shaking, taking great heaving breaths, Aziraphale thought this must get better. He was doing this for Crowley. He could endure anything for Crowley. He could survive this, be better from this. For Crowley.  _

_ The angel sat for what could have been minutes, hours, or days. Once the shaking stopped, once he could breath easy again, he became angry.  _

_ How dare he be forced to do this. How dare Crowley, his sweet, lovely, beautiful Crowley, force this on him. Why wasn't this enough? Why wasn't  _ **_he_ ** _ enough?  _

_ As the anger welled back up inside the angel, he shot up. A new resolve coming over him.  _

_ "I will not lay here in waste. I am the Guard of the Eastern Gate. A Principality. A warrior for the Lord Almighty Themselves. I  _ **_will not_ ** _ be taken as a fool." _

_ The angel, filled with fury, swept through the shop intent on ridding himself of anything that reminded him of the demon. He came to the kitchen first, jerking open the cabinet. He came across his winged mug. Crowley had given it to him years before, he could see the mischievous smile on his face as Crowley handed the mug over.  _

_ "Only fitting, eh angel?" _

_ Aziraphale raised the mug over his head, bent on destroying it. He could hear the anticipated smash, see the mug shatter, and the pieces scatter on the floor.  _

_ He hesitated.  _

_ Slowly he brought the mug down.  _

_ "I can't." He whispered, lips trembling. Fresh tears pricking the edges of his eyes. Slowly he left the kitchen, wandering through the shop. He collected each thing Crowley had ever given him. Books, records, blankets, trinkets. He sat them all in the back of his shop, where he and Crowley had spent countless hours talking, drinking, kissing, being together. Aziraphale sat in the middle of his nest. He sat. And tried to forget.  _

Weeks past and still he sat. Motionless and unchanging until the tears began falling, and fall they did.  _ This must be what he felt after the Fall. Empty.  _ The angel almost wished for the anger to come again. At least he could shape it into movement, use it to spur him alone. The emptiness was unbearable. He couldn't eat, sleep, drink. It hurt to blink, to have a single muscle twitch. So he didn't. He sat, but even the sitting hurt. The stillness of his body was almost as bad, almost. But the empty feeling wouldn't allow him to move. He was powerless in his own body. 

As the time continued to pass, Aziraphale was distantly aware of the phone ringing. Nothing sounded the way it should, things were distant and muffled. Almost as if he was hearing then while being submerged in water. He felt adrift at sea, drowning in his own body. Lost in the memories of mistakes past. He felt the sharp stab of his lost love every other moment. It was almost a reprieve from the deep ache he felt constantly. The ache of loss; lost hope, lost love, loss of his own self. 

Eventually, the storm within him broke. The angel had been sitting to long, needed a purpose. Needed a plan. And bit by bit one came to him. He couldn't live without Crowley. Why should he? So a plan began in his mind, the loop of painful memories breaking in their endless assault. The angel began to think. Think of time he was content. A time before the anger, the inadequacy, the loss.  _ Maybe Crowley was right. At least in a way. I may not be welcome in Heaven, but by the Lord.  _ With that thought, a final comfort, a final hail Mary, the angel stood. He blinked, the dust a grim disappearing in an instant. Pulling his waste coat down and straightening his bowtie, Aziraphale walked purposefully towards his flat.  _ The circle will do no good, The Metatron won't allow me to speak with Her.  _ He walked into the newly restored bedroom, only in use once Crowley began staying over, and knelt by the bed. He was desperate for an answer. Any answer. Such as a child runs back to the skirts of his mother when injured, an angel goes back to the Lord. Aziraphale clasped his hands together tightly, and bowed his head. 

"Lord, it's Aziraphale. Though you probably already know that. I'm sure you also know why I'm trying this, and what I want. I just need an answer Lord. A sign. Something, anything. I can't continue this way. The pain, its..its too much Lord. How can someone live this way? I can't. Not without him. But I'm not worthy of him. Of his love. I couldn't help him, I'm not enough of an angel to help. I know I'm unworthy of Your love, let alone his. But I need something. He was my reason for everything. Saving the world means nothing if he isn't with me." 

The tears began to cascade down his face again. Aziraphale stayed steady in his prayer, hoping against hope She would answer. Just this once, he needed an answer. 

"Please Lord. Please. Just once, just this one time. Please." 

But of course the Lord didn't answer.  _ Why would She speak to me? A disgraced angel. I'm unworthy of it all.  _ With a shuddering sigh, Aziraphale stood and wiped the tears from his face. If She couldn't help him, no one could.  _ Why should they. I couldn't help Crowley, the one being on this entire rock I loved. Why should she help.  _ He turned from the room, a new resolve set deep inside him. He wouldn't fall into stillness again. He couldn't, the pain settled to deep. He felt it in his bones, a deep ache with every movement. Aziraphale made his decision. Without Crowley there was no use. No reason. Aziraphale knew he couldn't physically kill himself. His corporation was a different matter.  _ Heaven won't allow me back. They'll see me dead before they allow the renegade angel back into the ranks.  _ With that thought, he began to make his final arrangements. 

Hours later, once every we had all his affairs in order, the angel sat looking at the bottles. He had weighed his options, looked into alternate routes, decided his best course of action.  _ No point in making a mess. Down the pills with a good glass of red, and it can be done.  _ Aziraphale was ready, he took a long swallow, his hands steady on the glass. He laid himself down on the couch, closing his eyes. As he began to drift off, he heard a knock on the door.  _ We're closed. For good now.  _ Sounds became far away, his head swimming. Someone was shaking him. Someone was yelling. Aziraphale drifted into unconsciousness his last thoughts of his demon, praying he would find peace in his life. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, I just don't know what is going on here. I just needed to hurt something.


	3. Chapter 3

Anathema woke with a start. She could feel her heart pounding in her chest, her breath coming in ragged gasps. She sat straight up in the bed, throwing back the covers and padding into the bathroom to splash some water on her face. As she towled the drips off her face she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Her eyes were wide and wild, her hair a mess.  _ God what a terrible dream.  _ The details were fizzy, slipping from her as she became fully awake. She chanced a glance back into the bedroom, eyes finding Newt still sleeping. A soft smile came across her face.  _ If only Agnes had foreseen how wonderful he would be.  _ She slipped a robe over her and wondered through the cottage. She found herself in the kitchen, beginning her usual morning routine. Anathema couldn't make tea to save her life, she'd never forget the look of horror on Newt's face the first time she had heated the water in their microwave. So she settled in to make her morning coffee, trying to remember just what had startled her from sleep.  _ Something is going on. What is happening now?  _ Not for the first time did she regret burning the second book. Maybe Agnes had foreseen what was going on now. The sense of danger was hovering over her. She sighed deeply.  _ Time to wake Newt.  _

A few short hours later they were on their way to Soho to check in with Aziraphale. They hadn't heard from him, or the demon in months.  _ Maybe that's all this is. Just a quick check on them and all will be right.  _ Newt kept sending quick glances her way as the plodded along in Dick Turpin. 

"Ana, honey, what's brought all this on? You still have explained why we have to go all the way to London to check on them."

"I've tried calling Newt, neither will pick up. I just can't shake this feeling, and I just need to see them. Besides, we haven't heard from them in months. What if something has happened?"

"I would think they could take care of themselves. They've come this far."

"Newt, please. You've met them. It took  _ the world almost ending _ for them to admit they were in love! Aziraphale gets so lost in his books he forgets to move! And Crowley! The last time we talked he'd been drinking for three days straight! Anything could be happening to them right now!" She hadn't realized just how worried she was until then. These were supposed to be her friends, and because they were an angel and a demon, she had thought along the same lines as Newt. It had never occurred to her, maybe they weren't ok. Maybe they were troubled. Their entire existence had been upturned, and because she had thought they could handle it she never thought to check up on them. Tears of guilt began to prick at her eyes. 

"Anathema, you're not responsible for them. For all intent and purpose, they're adults. You're not their mother." Newt shit her a sympathetic glance, and raised their linked hands to his lips. "We'll go look in on them. Calm your worries. Let you see for yourself they're capable of handling themselves."

Anathema nodded, not yet trusting her voice. Soon after they arrive at the bookshop. It appeared closed, which wasn't odd in itself, but the feelings surrounding it felt wrong.  _ What is going on.  _ Anathema reached the door, finding it locked and knocked. Newt tried to peek in the windows, but the blinds were pulled. 

"Maybe he went to Crowley's flat for a while. You know he keeps odd hours." Newt suggested. 

"Let's head over. I don't like the way this feels." 

The rushed, as much as they could in Newt's poor car, to Crowley's Mayfair flat. The lift seemed to take forever, but finally they stood in front of his apartment door. The feeling of anguish washing over the both of them. Newt turned to Anathema with fear and worry washing over his face. 

"Ana, I think you were right."

Anathema tried the knob, surprised to find it yielding under her touch. They carefully stepped over the threshold, shocked at the sight. The apartment was trashed. Broken pots with soil spilling from then littered the floor, the walls covered in deep scratches, what furniture wasn't broken was overturned. Going deeper into the room Anathema spied the angel and demon statue they loved to tease Crowley about, broken and laying in waste where it stood proudly. The stench of vomit and alcohol permeated every inch of the place. Anathema held a hand to her mouth, trying to stop her stomach from churning. Newt fared worse. He rushed to the bathroom to vomit in the toilet. Anathema continued her exploration into the kitchen, finding Crowley sprawled out on the floor, looking as if he had been to war.  _ What the  _ **_fuck is going on here._ ** She knelt by the demon and began shaking him, trying to wake him up. 

"Crowley! Crowley! Get up, come on!" She rolled him onto his side, almost sobbing in relief when a pained groan escaped the demon's lips. 

"Ohhh, waszat? Zir'phle? Ya there?" The demon leaned his head back, unfocused eyes landing on the girl and squinting. "Ah fuck. Bookgirl. Shoulda known he wassn't comin' back." Crowley flopped himself onto his stomach as Newt walked back into the room, still pale but appearing more steady. 

"Crowley, what the fuck." Anathema' s head jerked up to look at Newt in shock. It was rare Newt swore, more so at the demon. 

"Wha'ya mean Newt? 'M fine here. Jusssst takin' retirement in stride." The demon tried to pull himself up, but slipped in his own sick and fell face first onto the floor. 

"Jesus Christ Crowley. Get yourself together!" Newt knelt down, picking Crowley up under the arms and pulling him into a sitting position. "Sober up! Now! We have to figure out what's going on."

"Cha mean? Nothin' goin' on here." Anathema pulled herself from her shock, rolling her eyes at the demon. 

"Crowley, where's Aziraphale? We haven't seen or heard from any of you in months, his shop is all but abandoned, and you're lying here half dead and drunk off your ass! Tell me what the fuck is going on!" Her voice was shrill, she was losing her composure. 

Crowley looked at her wide eyed, and winced heavily. His eyes cleared immediately, his nose wrinkling at the smell of himself. 

"I uh, that is. He left. Me. Months ago. Doesn't want me to find him. We uh, we fought. I drank. I just.. I just wanted to forget. Made a bit of a mess huh." The demon looked between the two humans. "But you.. You haven't heard from him either?"

"No." They said in unison. The weight of the situation was hitting Anathema like a ton of bricks.  _ If Crowley is this bad off, what's become of Aziraphale?  _ She shook her head.  _ One thing at a time. Not like he's going to due or anything. We have time. _ With that thought she stood, pulling Crowley with her. 

"Alright. It's time to fix this." The demon nodded, snapping his fingers. The apartment righted itself, save for the plants. They had given up long ago, Crowley looking wistfully at his abandoned jungle. 

"Fuck." He turned to his two friends, tears in his eyes, hands shaking. "I need help guys. I can't be without him. But he won't see me. Doesn't want me. I fucked it all up." Anathema pulled him into a hug, the demon leaning his head on her shoulder trying to compose himself. "I just couldn't cope. He seemed so happy, so ready. It's like nothing had happened over the last six melinia. Like our lives weren't just entirely flipped. And now, now he's gone.." His slight shoulder shook with sobs, Anathema rubbed soothing circles into his back until Crowley calmed. Over his shoulder she looked at Newt, his face mirroring her own guilt.  _ We should have been here for them. They haven't had to deal with their feelings, their own lives. Never.  _ She felt a deep rush of gratitude towards Newt.  _ There's no way I could have adjusted without him being my rock. I should have known they would have some of the same problems. I should have seen this.  _ Tears fell from her own eyes, and she clutched Crowley tighter as he clung to her. She took a deep dreading breath.  _ Let's not dwell. We're here now, now it's time for damage control. _

"Newt, can you start Crowley a hot shower? I think he needs it." Newt nodded and started off for the bathroom. Before he got out of sight, he turned back. 

"Ana, maybe while he showers you should go back? Check on Aziraphale?" Upon hearing the angel's name, Crowley sobbed harder. Anathema shot Newt a look, his eye wide. "Fuck. Sorry."

"No, no. I'm ok. I can run my own shower. Know I smell. You guys go look in on him. I'm ok." With a final sniff the demon disentangle himself from Anathema. She finally got a good look at his face. His eyes were sunken in, face covered in grim, hair tangled and filthy spilling over his shoulders. She raised her hands to his face, cupping his face between then. His cheekbones more prominent than ever before. She stroked his cheeks with soft strokes her her thumb. His eyes slipped shut, a few more years slipping free. 

"You're not ok. Either of you, I'm sure. And we should have known you wouldn't be. We're so sorry Crowley." She fought back her own tears. Newt came to stand behind Crowley, placing a hand on his shoulder. Head hung in shame. 

"Sorry Crowley. We're shit friends. Let me help you finish up here, and she can go check on him alright?" The demon nodded, Anathema leaned forward to place a soft kiss on his forehead. 

"I'll call you in a bit Newt." With a final look to Crowley, and a swift kiss to Newt she left. 

Arriving back the bookshop Anathema had a new resolve.  _ We failed these two once. We're not doing it again. If I have to beat it into them, these two will be ok.  _ Anathema strode up to the door, knocking again. She tried the handle, finding it locked. She pulled put her cellphone, giving Newt a call. 

"Hello? Everything ok Ana?"

"I don't know. The doors still locked. How's Crowley?" 

"Still in the shower. Want me to ask if he's got a key?"

"God yes. I'm going to murder Aziraphale if he's got his nose in a book."

Anathema heard Newt fumbling with the bathroom door. 

_ "Crowley? Does Aziraphale hide a key to his shop? It's locked. Ah. Right. Ok. Gotcha. Want me to make something? No, no more alcohol. How about a sandwich? Crowley! Just because you're a demon doesn't mean you have to -- ah! Damnit Crowley!"  _

Anathema giggled into the phone. She hears splashing, a loud thud, and a door slamming.  _ He's coming around if he's irritating Newt.  _

"He threw the soap at me. Then sprayed me with the shower head. I'm soaked! I swear, he has no -"

"Newt, sweetie, the key?" 

"Oh! Yeah right sorry! It's under a false brick, round the back, third from right, on the left side."

"Thanks honey. I'll see you soon, hopefully with Aziraphale in tow."

"Ana?"

"Yeah, what's up Newt?" She began hunting for the false brick, finding her prize. 

"I love you. None of this is your fault, you were in a rough spot too." Her heart warmed with his simple words. Though they'd only known each other a few months, it was if Newt had known her for her entire life. He always knew when she needed a few kind words.  _ What did I ever do to deserve a guy like you.  _

"I love you too." With a smile she hung up and pocketed her phone, letting herself into the bookshop.  _ It's so quiet in here.  _ Everything looked in perfect order. She walked through the small parlor, and up to the flat above the bookshop. With each step she grew more alarmed.  _ Aziraphale always greets someone when they come in. He always knows. And why is it so quiet? There's always some noise. Him puttering around, music playing, something.  _ She entered the small living room, seeing the angel lying on the couch. A peaceful look on his face. At first she was relieved, then she noticed the bottle of wine and pills laying on the table.  _ No. No. Nonononononono.  _

"AZIRAPHALE." Her scream echoed through the shop. She rushed to him, grabbing his shoulders and began shaking him. "WAKE UP! WAKE UP YOU IDIOT! DAMN IT AZIRAPHALE!" She was sobbing, her tears falling onto his face. His head lolling back and forth with each jerk of her arms. She let go, and the angel slumped back down onto the couch, one arm hanging limply off the cushion.  _ To late. I was to late. How could he do this? What the hell is happening here?  _ She sunk down into the floor, hands covering her face, her body racked with sobs.  _ Newt. Need Newt. Have to call. Need help.  _ She dug her phone from her pocket, grabbing the bottle of pills from the table. It rattled. Confused she shook the bottle. It sounded almost full. She raised the bottle up, looking at the label. Her sobs quickly turned into giggles.  _ Thank God. Thank God he really is an idiot sometimes. _ She dialed Newt's number, hands still shaking a little from her shock. 

"What's wrong? We just hung up, is Aziraphale ok?"

"Well, yes and no. He's passed out right now." The giggles began to overtake her. She couldn't stop shaking. Couldn't stop laughing.  _ I'm going crazy. This is what it feels like to lose your mind.  _

"Anathema? Honey, what's going on?" 

She could hardly hear Newt over the sounds of her laughter. Tears streamed from her eyes, and she didn't know if it was from the laughing, relief, or the stress of the last few hours. "Ana, Ana, please, can you just calm down? Tell me what's going on." She drew gulps of air in through her mouth, trying to calm herself. When the storm settled into small bursts of giggles, she tried talking again. 

"He tried to kill his corporation I guess -"

"WHAT!"

"Settle! He's ok! Just sleeping! The idiot downed an entire bottle of wine, maybe more than one, and took a few benadryl. I don't know what he was thinking, it wasn't nearly enough. God. Newt, I can't take any more today." 

Newt was silent for a long time. Eventually he spoke in a low voice. 

"Ana, what are we going to do?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. This happened. I'm not sure about any of this, but I'm having fun with it. Thank you guys again for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

"WHAT?" 

The demon jerked his head up at the shout, Newt turning away from him listening intently to the phone. Every nerve he had was on in. He knew the witch had gone to the bookshop, was something wrong?  _ If he's hurt I'll never forgive myself.  _ He felt the shame of the last few months creep back in. Newt's shoulders relaxed, and Crowley let out a breath.  _ Of course everything is fine. Newt just got too excited. It's been a long day.  _ When Newt turned back to Crowley though, that thought went out. His face was pinched, his eyes strained. 

"What's happened?" Newt took a deep breath, and refused to look at the demon. Crowley began to shake. "I said,  _ what happened Newt."  _ The demon stalked towards his friend, Newt finally looking at Crowley. 

"He's ok. Sleeping right now. Apparently he tried to discoporate him-"

"THEN HOW THE  _ FUCK _ ISSS HE OK!" Newt flinched at the sudden yelling, but as Crowley turned to leave, he grabbed his sleeve. 

Newt took a deep calming breath, speaking as he would to a child. "Ana is there, he's ok. Do you really think you're on any shape to go running over there to do what exactly? Yell? Stomp your feet? We  _ just _ found  _ you _ passed out in your own vomit, for who knows how long, and you want to make a scene over there?" Crowley stopped trying to shake him off, back down into the chair. He groaned, covering his face with his hands.  _ Anything is better than being here. I need to see him.  _ Newt bent down, putting both his hands on the demon's shoulders. "You both need time. Let's wait and let him wake up, yeah? Let Ana talk to him, while we figure out what to do with you." 

"Me? Right as rain now, I'm fine!" Newt narrowed his eyes.  _ Fuck. This isn't going away.  _

"It's time you two stop acting like this. We should have known you would need help adjusting, Ana did. It's time to be adults." Crowley hung his head. 

"I thought finally being free, being together would be easier than this. But it's hard. I don't know how to make it better." 

"Love doesn't fix six thousand years worth of bullshit. You two need help. Real help. You can't just ignore all the bad things, sometimes you actually have to  _ talk  _ with people." Crowley groaned again, making a disgusted face. Newt just laughed, straightening up. "Let's get something to eat. Ana was too worked up to eat this morning, and then we can start working on you." 

  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


Aziraphale felt himself waking up. His head hurt, his mouth dry. He turned and snuggled down into his warm, soft nest.  _ I wonder what Crowley has planned today.  _ Suddenly the last few months slammed back into him. The fight, his leaving, the pain, his plan. He sat straight up, stomach and head balking at the sudden movement. He blinked in confusion.  _ Why am I still here? This wasn't how it was supposed to go! _ He heard shuffling behind him. He threw back his blankets, jumping into a defensive stance. Anathema appeared before him, eye brows quirked up in question. 

"Decided to wake up did you?" The angel was more confused than ever. He looked around, wondering just how it was he was still here. "Aziraphale." He turned his attention back to his guest, desperate for something to make sense. She came forward, wrapping him in a hug. He stood motionless for a second before wrapping his arms around her. 

"Dear girl. What's going on?" Suddenly she broke the embrace, and began pounding on his chest. 

"Stupid!" Aziraphale's eyes went wide. "Stupid, stupid stupid man!" She continued her assault, punctuating each word with another fist to his chest. "Just what were you thinking!?" The angel finally broke free of his shock, grabbing her wrists. 

"Anathema! Calm yourself dear! Stop fighting me! Stop this instant!" She jerked her hands free, stepping back and point directly into the angel's face. 

"You! You don't get to tell me to stop! I come here, after not hearing from you for  _ months _ to find you passed out drunk! What the hell were you thinking?" A blush crept across the angel's cheeks. Anger welled inside him. 

"I was supposed to die! I was thinking it had to be better than here! You can't possibly understand -" 

"MAYBE IF YOU'D TRIED CALLING ME INSTEAD OF SWALLOWING SOME EXPIRED BENADRYL AND DRINKING YOURSELF INTO OBLIVION YOU'D SEE JUST WHAT I UNDERSTAND YOU ASS!" 

Aziraphale recoiled as if he'd been slapped. His anger died down; embarrassment and shame taking its place.  _ Why hadn't I called her? Called anyone. I just couldn't think.  _

"I.. I don't know. Everything was so dark, and hurt so much. I just.. I didn't want to be here.. I couldn't see another way." He sank back onto the couch, Anathema following him. She pulled the angel into another hug, stroking his blonde curls. He sniffed, fighting back tears until he felt drops in his hair. Turning towards Anathema, her eyes were swimming with tears. His own eyes began overflowing and they both sat, holding each other close and crying. Eventually they settled, separating to wipe their faces. "I'm so sorry my dear girl." His voice low and broken from the crying. Anathema sniffed once more, collecting herself once again. 

"Don't ever do that to me again. Thank God you only took a few pills. Why did you think that would work? You're smarter than that!"

Aziraphale gave her an indignant look. "You should never mix alcohol with medication dear." He frowned. "However, I think an antihistamine is a little less potent than some others." Anathema began to giggle. 

"The expired in 1990 Aziraphale. I'm surprised they even put you to sleep!" 

The angel felt his face heat with embarrassment.  _ Oh good Lord I've just made a mess of things.  _ He began giggling with Anathema. Soon they were clutching each other again, tears of laughter streaming down their faces. 

"Oh, oh, oh. My stomach. What a day." Anathema hiccuped, wiping her face clear of tears again. She leaned on the still giggling angel. "You know we have to tall about this right?" The angel sobered immediately.  _ No. Absolutely not.  _ She shook her head. "I'm not taking no for an answer. You and Crowley both need help." She raised her head, looking the angel in the eye. "Newt and I should have been here for you two. We should have known you weren't going to be ok. I'm sorry." She hung her head, the angel patting her hands. 

"Dearest, don't. Nobody could have guessed what was going to happen. Crowley and I have spent six thousand years here. We should have known we wouldn't be ok." He frowned, thinking about his demon. "Where is he?" Anathema avoided his eyes for the first time. Fear began to take hold of the angel.  _ What if something happened to him? He always comes when I'm in trouble.  _ "Anathema." She groaned. 

"He's ok. Newt is with him. He hadn't tried to..to  _ die _ or anything. Just sort of.. gave up?" 

_ Oh Crowley. My love. I'm so sorry. _ The angel went silent. It was Anathema's turn to pat the angel's hand. 

"Really. He's going to be fine. You both are. We just have to find a way for you two to get the help you need." Aziraphale nodded. Then he stomach growled. Followed by Anathema's. Her eyes went wide, hands going to her stomach. "I must have been too preoccupied to eat." They began to giggle again, Anathema hauling them up from the couch before they went into hysterics again. She laced her arm through the angel's. "Let's get something to eat, and we can go from there." The angel wiggled happily, leading Anathema to the front door. 

"I know a lovely sushi place just down the block." He said with a large grin. As they stepped out into the world, Aziraphale stopped dead in his tracks. His breath catching in his throat. A black, antique, illegally parked Bentley sat on the curb. Standing in front of it were two being arguing. 

"Damn it Newt I've waiting enough! She's been gone for hours!" 

"Crowley just wait!" He tried to push the demon back into the car, but Crowley side stepped him, causing Newt to stumble. Crowley, quick as a serpent, started towards the bookshop. He stopped suddenly, noticing Anathema and the angel in the doorway for the first time. 

" _ Angel."  _

"Oh  _ fuck."  _

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're just a mess. That's all I can say at this point.


	5. Chapter 5

Newt stalked back into the living room, a to innocent looking Crowley sitting on the couch. 

"Crowley."

"Newton." Crowley managed an innocent smile, but his eyes were twinkling. Newt rolled his eyes, gesturing behind him to the kitchen. 

"Why is your kitchen empty."

"I don't eat a lot. Usually it was him eating. I just went along for the show." Newt groaned.  _ I should have known he'd try and pull something to get out of here. Should have made Ana stay here with him. _ The thought of finding Aziraphale like that immediately changed his mind.  _ Ah no. Never mind. Better the devil, or demon, you know.  _ He sighed. 

"I guess we're going out to get food then.  _ Only to get food! _ " Crowley jumped up, keys already in hand. 

"Lets go!" He sauntered out of the apartment, whistling quietly to himself. Newt trailed behind him, praying this didn't end badly. 

"We can just take my car." Newt said as they reached the street. Crowley turned, horror written across his face. 

"No. No. Thats..thats not happening." With a barely repressed shudder, Crowley climbed into the driver's seat, leaving Newt to slink to the passenger side. 

"Just food." He said again sternly.  _ Ana you better think of something quick.  _ The witch had been gone for 3 hours already. He sent her a quick text. 

**_Ana, were going to get food. How are things?_ **

**_All's well. Still waiting on him to wake up. I'll text you when he does. DON'T LET CROWLEY OVER HERE YET._ **

Newt pocketed his phone, resting his head on the window.  _ It's going to be a long day.  _ Suddenly the car jerked forward, and all coherent thoughts Newt may have had slipped away. Crowley spared him a final mischievous glance, and began to cackle. He reached over to grab a pair of glasses from the glove box, fixing them firmly to his yellow eyes. Newt closed his eyes and began to murmur a prayer, which only made the demon laugh louder.  _ God help me. _

  
  


"So Newt, what's book girl saying?" The pair had just finished their lunch, and were sitting enjoying a final cup of coffee. Newt looked up and into the dark lenses.  _ He's going to know if I lie.  _ "Spit it out Newt."

He took a deep breath. "Ana says he woke up. They're going to eat and -" Suddenly the demon jumped up, snapping his fingers. Bills appeared on the table, and he stalked out of the small cafe. "Hey! Hey!" Newt ran after him, managing to get to the Bentley as Crowley opened his door. "Crowley, we can't go over there yet! Come on!" The demon spun on his heel putting a finger in Newt's chest. His glasses slipped down, allowing Newt to see that his eyes were completely serpentine. Yellow had overtaken the white, pupils slimmed into almost nothing but tiny black slits. Newt gulped. But stood firm. "He needs time. You do too."

"I've given him almossst sssixx monthss of  _ time _ . And thatsss jusst thissss one." The hiss in Crowley's voice betrayed the calm look he was trying to pass. Newt looked directly into his eyes, noticing the pleading.  _ He's not going to stop.  _

"How about this. You can drive over, see that he's ok, and then we go back? You two aren't ready for a big show down right now." The demon nodded. 

"I can do that. Jusst need to see him iss all." Newt was glad Crowley was more under control. He couldn't take on a demon, let alone an irate one. They sped over to the bookshop, making it there in record time. Newt turned to his companion, but noticed he was missing.  _ For fucks sake Crowley! _ Newt jerked the door open, running to the front of the car, just in time to collide with said demon. "I  _ said _ we see that he's ok! Not go barging in like maniacs!"

"And  _ I said  _ I needed to see him. Don't see him out here, so I have to go in there!" Neither heard the bookshop door open. Newt went to grab Crowley, but the demon sidestepped him. Newt stumbled toward the front of the car, while Crowley went jogging towards the front of the shop. 

_ "Angel."  _ Newt turned sharply at the sound of Crowley's voice. He saw a panicked looking Anathema, standing arms linked with Aziraphale. The color drained from the angel's face, his eyes going wide.  _ Oh hell. He's done it now. _

"Oh fuck." And with that the angel turned, running back into the bookshop. Anathema came down, standing directly in front of Crowley. 

"You shouldn't be here! He just woke up, you just sobered up! Why don't you go back home, let me get some food in him-" Crowley snapped out of whatever trance had been holding him. He growled low in his throat, darting past the witch and into the book shop. Anathema looked at Newt.  _ This isn't going to end well.  _ Newt sighed. He walked towards Anathema, putting an arm around her shoulders, as she slid one around his back. 

  
  


"Lets go before stop them before we're back at square one. Or they kill each other. Or us." Anathema nodded, and the both trudged into the bookshop. 

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

_ Why. Why. Whywhywhy. What the hell is going on?  _ Crowley ran up the spiral staircase two at a time, rushing into the angel's bedroom. In the middle of the room Aziraphale stood, shaking, his arms wrapped around his middle.  _ He shouldn't be doing that. That's where mine belong.  _ Crowley took a cautious step forward. 

"Angel. C'mon. Please." His voice broke on the last word.  _ Maybe this was a mistake.  _

"Crowley I can't do this. Not right now." The angel turned to face Crowley. "I am begging you Crowley. I can't do it right now. Please." Fear was etched into the angel's face. He turned away once more and sat on the end of the bed.  _ You bought that especially for me. Didn't even put your blessed tartan on it, just for me.  _ Aziraphale cradled his head in his hands, body trembling.  _ Are you afraid? Of us? Of me?  _ Fear began to curl into the demon. 

"Angel. Aziraphale, please. We can go back to how it was! I promise! No harm done see? ZWe're ok!" With that the angel jerked his head up. 

"We are not ok Crowley! This..this..arrangement we have is not ok!" He gestured between the two beings, bare eyes burning into Crowley's covered ones. Fear turned into a quick burning anger. He felt it flow through his veins like lava.  _ An arrangement? Is that all I've been?  _

"This  _ arrangement _ ? Iss that what thissss iss Aziraphale? Jussst another  _ arrangement  _ for you? Couldn't find any other way to passs the time?" Crowley could feel himself losing control of the anger coursing through him. He ripped his glasses off, glowering down at the angel. Aziraphale jumped from the bed, hands raised, almost as if to ward the demon off. 

"Crowley, dearest, please. Just listen. That isn't.. I mean.. This isn't,  _ you _ aren't.."

"Ssspit it out angel." Aziraphale took a deep breath, tried to begin again. 

"Crowley. You must listen. That wasn't what I meant!"

"Then sssay whatever in the bloody hell you're trying to say!" The demon's about echoed through the room. Aziraphale threw his hands up in exasperation. He glared towards Crowley, no longer shaking. Crowley glowered back, pulling himself up to his full height, looking every bit of a snake about to strike. 

"I'm trying to by you keep interrupting me! You never listen! Never! Always have to act like such a… a.. "

"What  _ exactly  _ do I act like?" Crowley strode towards the angel, challenging him with his eyes.  _ Say it. I dare you to say it. This has been brewing for centuries. Just say it. One. More. Time.  _

"You're acting like a spoiled  _ prat _ who isn't getting his way! You  _ always _ do this! You don't ever just  _ listen to me! _ " Aziraphale shouted in the demon's face, his nose almost touching Crowley's. Crowley recoiled from the noise, eyes wide in shock. "I've been trying to help you for months Crowley! Months! You don't talk to me, you just want to brush over it all!" The demon recovered from his shock.

"Me? Me?  _ I _ don't like. Oh ho! And jussst how well do  _ you  _ lissssten? Ssix  _ thoussssand blesssed years _ Aziraphale! SSIX. THOUSSSSSSAND. YEARSSSS. I'm sso ssssssorry I couldn't fit into your perfect little boxxx! But I had sixxx thoussand bloody yearss sstuck behind me, of a cccertain  _ princccipality _ reminding me at every turn jussst what I wass!"

"What does that have to do with now?!"

"Fucking  _ EVERYTHING _ Aziraphale!" They were nose to nose now, red in the face, the angels eyes a fiery blue, Crowley's eye teeth elongated into fangs, chests rising and falling rapidly. As the angel opened his mouth to speak once more, the door banged loudly onto the wall. Both heads snapped in the direction of the noise. 

"That is enough out of the both of you!" Newt stood in the doorway, hand clamped around the doorknob, eyes narrowed towards the two beings. "I have HAD it today with each of you! Get downstairs immediately! I don't care where you sit but this, this right here? It's done!" He turned, pointing his finger towards the downstairs. Surprisingly both beings followed instructions, eyes wide with curiosity at the young man's outburst. "And I don't want to hear another word from  _ either _ of you until Anathema and I are there! Sit quietly, separately if needed!" They both trudged down the stairs, Aziraphale taking his usual arm chair, Crowley throwing himself onto the couch.  _ What the hell has gotten into him today?  _ After sitting in an awkward silence for the first time in six thousand years, both angel and demon refusing to look at each other, Anathema and Newt returned to the room. Anathema pulled two chairs over, taking the seat nearest Aziraphale. Newt sat closest to Crowley, still glaring back and forth between the two beings. 

"Newt and I have talked this over. We think you two need some serious help."

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for being so awesome! Real talk, don't bottle up your feelings. Let that shit out!


	6. Chapter 6

"You think we need help? Book girl, incase you haven't noticed, we're not exactly human!" The demon scoffed, staring daggers at the couple. _They may be onto something. But I'm just not sure what that would be._

"Excuse me Mr."I don't need anyone" but just who was it we scraped off the floor, covered in months worth of his own vomit and God knows what else?" Aziraphale's eyes shot to the demon. _Found how? What happened to you?_ Shame filled Aziraphale again. _If it wasn't for me, this wouldn't have happened. I should've been there. Why am I always to late?_

"You were what Crowley?" The demon had the nerve to look embarrassed. 

"Look I was fine! Totally under control, right -"

"Obviously not or we wouldn't be in this shape right now, and furthermore -" 

"Yeah, yeah blame the _demon_ for your bad choices -" 

"Anthony J. Crowley I have had just about -"

"Are you two going to shut up and listen?" Newt snapped at the bickering couple. Aziraphale tore his eyes from Crowley, looking intently at Newt. _I'm not sure how to feel about any of this._ "I'm not sure how we can do it. But you two need help. Aziraphale you tried to get yourself killed! You're in no better shape than he is!" The demon inhaled sharply, rounding on the angel. 

"Exactly! About that angel, what in the _heavens_ were you thinking?" Heated burned across Aziraphale's face. 

"I couldn't think!" Tears stung his eyes. _Why am I such a blubbering mess today._ He blinked furiously, determined to stop them from falling. Crowley moved, as if to reach out. Aziraphale held his hands up, breathing deep. _If he touches me it's all over. We'll never get anything solved._ Crowley dropped his hands, looking dejected. _Damn it all! Why is this so hard. Why can't we just talk._ He turned back to Newt. "Dear boy. I think what Crowley is trying to say is that we can not have ah, 'therapy' in the conventional method. How fast do you think they would have us committed once we spoke of our time on Earth?" _Not to mention a romantic relationship between an angel and a demon._ Newt gave the pair a thoughtful look. He seemed to be at a loss until Anathema finally spoke up. 

"You can't do conventional therapy, that's true. But what about something a little more unconventional? Not everyone who has problems uses therapy. Besides, it's not really a 'conventional' set of problems you two have now is it? You're both too stubborn and set in your ways for anything truly normal to work." 

" 'scuse me? Are you saying we can't do this?" Crowley sat up a little straighter, glaring daggers at Anathema. Aziraphale rushed in to pacify the demon. 

"My dear, I think she just means -"

"I don't need things explained Aziraphale! I'm not stupid, unlike what you seem -"

"I never said you were stupid-"

"Just shove off alrea-" Suddenly Anathema slammed her hands onto the coffee table before her. _Maybe he would be better off without me. There are other means for me to disappear. In this state he wouldn't dare follow._ Aziraphale began to plan, while trying to give enough attention to the witch to keep the demon from flat out over running her. _Get out of London. He could start fresh, and be happy again._

"Newt, it's your turn to babysit. I have to head out and gather some supplies." With that she left the three with a swish of her long skirt. Aziraphale could swear he heard her muttering about 'insufferable fools'. Newt looked between the angel and demon before him, sighing deeply. 

"Let's get some take out whole we wait on her, eh?" 

* * *

Anathema came back a few hours, determination written across her face. She burst into the shop placing her supplies down in the closet, and found everyone exactly as she left them, with a few Chinese take out boxes occupying the table now. Newt handed her some noodles with veggies, which she took with a kiss. _We've been at this all day. I think it's time we all rest._

"Well book girl, what's the verdict? Can you fix us?" Crowley gave her his most winning smile. _Like staring straight into the face of a predator._

Swallowing her mouth full, Anathema gave him a wicked grin. The demon's own faltered. "Of course! But! We're taking a break tonight. We've all had a very...emotional day. It's already past 8, and we still have to find a place to stay."

"Nonsense dear! You two can stay here with me! Goodness knows I've slept long enough to last me a lifetime." _Here's where it gets tricky._ Anathema chose her words carefully. 

"While that's very kind of you Aziraphale, I don't feel very comfortable leaving you both alone just yet." She looked directly at Aziraphale, who at least managed to feign surprise at her acustation. It hadn't escaped her that either entity may try a repeat of their previous behavior, or flat running away from this. _I'm not letting you two off so easy._

"Dear girl, I can assure you I will not be repeating _that_ again." 

"I really think you two should either stay together -" With that both angel and demon visibly tense. _Here we go._

"I'm not sure Crowley would-"

"Oh thinking for me now are we Aziraphale?" Anathema shoved her mouth full again to hide a smile. _This may work after all. I just need them to start talking without one of them smiting the other._ Aziraphale rolled his eyes at the demon. 

"Crowley can we not start another fight please? I'm trying to accommodate the only two people who have offered to help us!"

"Whose saying you're the only one trying to help?" Somehow the demon managed to sound indignant. Newt snuck a glance towards Anathema. She had texted him about her plans earlier, when he took the chance to sneak away to the bathroom. She raised her eyebrows, nodding towards the bickering pair. 

"Well it's not like you're offering a single better idea!"

"I was about to, but of course you just _have_ to try and act better!"

"For Heaven's sake Crowley!" Aziraphale slumped back into his chair, exasperated. "Do what you will then!" The demon smugly turned towards the couple, throwing his keys to Newt. 

"You can crash at my place for the time being! Plenty big bead, can restock the kitchen, all that. It's yours!" The demon sat smugly for all of thirty seconds. _Oh this should work perfectly._ Anathema sat back and smiled sweetly at the both of them, waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

"Dear, I don't mean to, what's the expression? Rain on your parade, but ah, where will you stay?" 

  
  
  


_Well shit. Shit shit shit shit. Can't back out now._ "I'll just get a hotel. Sure a room just opened up for me at the Ritz." 

"But Crowley, I'm not sure if being alone is best for either of you. I mean, Aziraphale just tried to discoporate himself, and you're a drunken mess on the best of occasions." Anathema looked innocently towards Crowley, realization dawing on him. _Fucking witch._ He glanced over to the angel, who looked slightly impressed. _I forget how clever these humans can be._ Sighing in frustration Crowley nodded his consent. _Alright. I can do this. Even if she can't help me, maybe she can help my angel._ "Alright. Tell us what you want. I'm not convinced this will work, but if it keeps him safe and happy I'll try anything." He heard a small squeak, and chanced a look towards Aziraphale. His eyes had misted over. Looking directly at Crowley, Aziraphale nodded. When he finally spoke, his voice was only slightly shaking. 

"Alright my dear, let's give this a try." 

"Alright boys! Like I said, we're not going to do much tonight. And we won't get into to much tomorrow, but I do have some homework for you." The witch jumped up to retrieve her supplies from the closet. _What the hell does she have a baton for?_ Crowley was full of questions, but decided to keep his mouth shut for once. She pulled two notebooks out of one bag, and handed one to each being. "Tonight I want you each to write down two lists: what you expect from this experience, and a pro/con list of each other." _Great. An entire list of everything to hate about myself._ "Aziraphale, you need to list the pros and cons of Crowley, and Crowley I want you to do the same about Aziraphale." Anathema and Newt both rose to leave. The witch walked over to Aziraphale, arms open. He stood to embrace her. _Why can't it be that easy? He flinched any time I go near him now._ Once they separated, Anathema walked over and pulled Crowley up to stand, wrapping him in a tight embrace.

"We're going to fix this." She whispered into his ear, running her hands up and down his back. The demon pulled away, looking her in the eyes.

"I'm not sure it can be. That _I_ can be. But I'll do anything to make him happy." Anathema smiled, and kissed his cheek. Newt smiled to the both of them, and started steering Anathema towards the door. 

"We'll give you guys a call tomorrow to iron out some details!" He called over his shoulder, Anathema said one more goodbye, and then they were gone. Crowley snatched the notebook from his perch on the armrest, and turned to the angel. As he looked into his eyes, the demon could see fear and exhaustion etched into his face. Crowley scrubbed his free hand over his face, a swirl of emotions running through him. He took a deep, settling breath. _We can do this. It's one night. We can do this._ The angel looked at Crowley, bending the notebook back and forth between his hands. 

"Well, my dear, I guess we should get working on our homework. Do you want to go to the bedroom? To work I mean!" A flush appeared over the angel's features, making the demon chuckle. Aziraphale flashed a small, shy smile. "I'll just be at my desk if you need anything from me. Please feel welcome to use anything you need to. You know where everything is." Crowley nodded and headed up the stairs. 

  
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////  
  


Aziraphale stared at Crowley's retreating figure. Once the demon was out of sight, he turned to head to his desk. _I can do this._ The angel laid the notebook down, and went to make himself a cup of cocoa. He returned and sat at the desk, staring at the empty pages. After an hour of sitting Aziraphale let his eyes wander upwards. _I bet Crowley has most of this filled with cons about us._ Suddenly Aziraphale felt his skin begin to crawl with discomfort. The room felt as if it was closing in on him, his clothes to restrictive. He began breathing in great, shaking gasps. His chest tightened, head swam. He stood abruptly, not noticing how the chair overturned. He felt the need to escape, to run from the room. _I have to leave. Need to go. Nowhere to go. Crowley upstairs, writing about all my shortcomings. All the times I've let him down._ Aziraphale could feel his heart best in his ears. Hear the blood rushing through them. His vision became blurry, and he knees buckled under him. Aziraphale curled into a ball on the floor, fist shoved into his mouth to muffle the sounds that escaped. _What is going on with me?!_

"Angel? Angel! What's going on? I heard a thump, are you ok?" Aziraphale moaned into his hand. _He can't see me like this. I've already ruined our relationship, if he sees this I'll ruin any hope of keeping my friend I've got left._ Aziraphale tried to stand, but his legs are trembling to hard to hold his weight. He sunk back onto the floor, hands covering his face, knees coming up to his chest. _Maybe he won't come through here._ "Aziraphale?" The demon spoke softly. 

"Please leave. Please. I can't fight right now. I just.. I can't." The angel's voice was muffled from his hands. He felt Crowley approach, his knees brushing Aziraphale as he knelt in front of him. 

"Angel, please. I don't want a fight. What happened?" The demon's voice was low, soothing. "C'mon angel. Jusst.. jusst talk to me. Pleasse." The slight hiss in his voice broke the angel. He began to tremble violently, sobs racking his body. Aziraphale felt strong arms wrap themselves around him as Crowley pulled him onto his lap. He grasped the demon's shirt collar, and buried his face into his neck. Crowley ran a soothing hand up and down his back, keeping one securely locked around the angel's waste. He murmured soothing nonsense into Aziraphale's hair, nuzzling his nose into his soft curls. Eventually the angel calmed enough to notice the demon holding him, and began to peel himself away, muttering apologies. Crowley held him tighter. With a voice thick with emotion, Crowley pled with the angel. "Pleasse don't. Not yet." Aziraphale settled back into Crowley's embrace, winding his own arms around the demon. 

"I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me." His breath was hot and humid against the demon's neck, skin damp from his tears. 

"Don't apologize. It's been a long few months." Aziraphale shifted in the demon's embrace to straddle his legs, looking Crowley directly in the eyes. He lifted a hand, pausing only for a second, before removing his dark glasses. The demon's eyes were ringed red, tears drying in his face. 

"Oh Crowley. I've made such a mess of all this." Tears threatened to spill from his eyes again, until Crowley cupped his fevered face between his cool hands. 

"Angel it's not all you. For Someone's sake, I nearly killed a shop full of people. I can't blame you for leaving." Aziraphale shook his head. 

"But if I had insisted we deal with things, not just ignore them! I knew you drank too much. Knew you were having problems adjusting!" Crowley leaned his head to rest against the angel's. 

"It's ok Aziraphale. We'll work it out. I think Anathema and Newt might be right. We need help. More than we can give each other." Aziraphale wiped the stray tears that fell from his demon's eyes. Crowley leaned into his touch, sighing contentedly. "I've missed this. Missed you." 

"I've missed you too dear. So very much." Crowley tilted his head slightly, his breath ghosting over the angel's lips. Aziraphale took a shaking breath in, closing the distance between them. Eyes slipping shut, he slid his arms around the demon's neck, holding him close. Crowley sighed against his mouth, Aziraphale taking the opportunity to slip his tongue over the demon's lips. With a sharp breath through his nose, Crowley tightened his grip on the angel's face, and Aziraphale poured everything he couldn't say into their kiss. 

_I'm sorry._

_I'll be better._

_We can start again._

_I love you._

When they finally separated, Aziraphale pulled Crowley close. The demon clung tightly to the back of Aziraphale's coat, burying his face into the angel's neck. Eventually they stood, Aziraphale leading Crowley to the couch in the back. He laid down, pulling the demon on top of him and threw a blanket over them both. Crowley snuggled into the angel's embrace, the angel running his hands through red locks. 

"Aziraphale?" Crowley said softly. 

"Yes darling?" 

"I love you." 

"And I love you dearest." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you guys! I think I've got another chapter and then an epilogue of sorts and we can close the book on these two. This has been so much fun to write and I'm so glad someone besides me like it!


	7. Chapter 7

Crowley felt warm. Warmer than he had in months.  _ When did my bed get this warm.  _ He snuggled down deeper into his pillow.  _ I don't remember it being this soft.  _ He inhaled deeply, and stopped wriggling.  _ My bed hasn't smelled like him in ages.  _ He sighed deeply, and felt a hand rubbing gentle circles in his back. Last night slammed into memory. He jerked his head up, staring directly into his angel's eyes. 

"Hello love." Crowley felt his brain turn to jelly at the name.  _ Love. I still have my angel's love.  _

"Hullo angel." His voice was groggy from sleep, he ran a hand through his hair to try and smooth the strands. Aziraphale chuckled, attempting to help the demon tame his wild hair. 

"Darling, I think we should get up. I uh, didn't get very far on my list. Didn't start at all really." 

"Me neither. Maybe Anathema Will let it slide." Crowley groaned, rolling off the angel to stand. He stretched, and grabbed his phone off the table. 

**Crowley, we're going to get some breakfast. Give us a call when you guys get up.**

"I guess we'll give them a call." Aziraphale nodded, patting the seat beside him. Crowley slumped onto the couch, leaning on the angels side. He dialed Anathema's number, putting the phone on speaker. 

"Crowley? Are you guys awake?" 

"Yeah, you're on speaker. Aziraphale is here with me." 

"Oh, so you two survived the night?" He could hear the smirk in her voice. He groaned again. Aziraphale patted his hand reassuringly. 

"Yes my dear. It seems we have come back to our senses as it were." Crowley laced their fingers together, grinning. 

"Still think we need therapy, book girl?"

"Honestly I think you both need lobotomies, but I'm not sure they'd find half a brain between you." Aziraphale scoffed, while Crowley barked out a laugh. 

"Alright Alright. Shuddup witch. We uh, didn't really get to far on our lists, still want them?"

"Why don't you work on them together, and Newt and I will be over in about an hour? I'll bring breakfast." Aziraphale perked up at the promise of food. 

"Ok my dear. Do be careful, we'll see you soon."

"Bye guys!" Crowley ended the call. 

"Well angel, we don't have much time. Let's get started on this list she wants." He stood, and dropped a kiss on the angel's curls. Aziraphale have him a small smile, cheeks dusted with a faint blush. 

"I'll go make some tea." 

Once they had both settled back onto the couch, Aziraphale cracked open the unused notebook, pen in hand. 

"So what do we expect out of this?" They both began listing off things, adding and removing things until they had a list of their expectations. 

  1. Less fighting 
  2. Better communication
  3. Less binge drinking 
  4. Easier reconciliation 



"Alright angel. Do we do a pro and con list?"

"I can't honestly think of any cons dear. Things we may need to work on. But no real cons." Crowley felt himself melt into the angel's side. He nuzzled his head into Aziraphale's shoulder, and felt the angel's hands in his hair again. 

"Oh sod the lists." Aziraphale giggled. 

"Now we just wait on them to get here." Crowley nodded, stretching himself to lay his head in the angel's lap.  _ This. This is what we needed.  _ He snuggled closer, leeching the warmth from the angel. 

"Mmm can take a nap."

"Crowley! We just got up!" 

"Mhm. Even better reason to nap." Aziraphale rolled his eyes, but continued running his fingers through the demons hair. Soon after they heard their young friends entering the shop. 

"Anybody here?" Newt called. 

"In the back!" Aziraphale called back. He looked up to see Newt and Anathema walking in, pastry bags in hand. 

"Wasn't sure exactly what to get, figured scones were always good." Newt handed the bag to Aziraphale, and he took a bite into the pastry. He wiggled happily, jostling the demon. 

" 'ziraphle." His voice groggy with sleep again. 

"Dear do wake up. They've arrived." The demon sat up, yawning. He shook his head to clear away the sleep. 

"Alright. Let's get this started" Anathema nodded take a seat in her chair from the night before. Newt sat in the chair next to her, looking between the angel and demon. 

"You two seem in better moods than when we left." Aziraphale nodded, handing their list over to Anathema. 

"Dear, we just couldn't think of cons of being together. There's nothing bad or wrong about us, we just can't always express things well."  _ That's the understatement of the year.  _ Anathema nodded at the two, looking at their short list. 

"Let's lay out some rules. Firstly, no interrupting each other. If it comes to it, I have a baton and I  _ will _ use it."  _ So that's what that was for!  _ They both nodded their agreement. "Second, whatever is said here, is examined and talked through. There are no wrong things to say or feel. You two have six thousand years of repression to go through. It's going to take a lot. And third, you need to take the things ssid and done here and use them in your day to day. Healing doesn't stop and end when we want it to. It's going to be a process, and were going to work through it. Understood?" Both nodded once more. 

"Where do we start my desr?" 

"Let's go with the obvious things first." She turned to Aziraphale first. "You tried to end yourself. What happened?" 

The angel swallowed hard, and Crowley took his hand, running a soothing thumb over his knuckles. "S'okay angel. We gotta talk about it."  _ As much as this is going to suck I guess it's time to rip the bandaid off.  _ The angel nodded, and took a deep breath. 

"After Crowley and I faught, I came home. I was feeling lost. I ah, I didn't feel I had been good enough.. or brave enough. Crowley and I had problems for a while before the Incident. And I uh, was more blaming myself. You see, I'm a guardian. And I.. I was sent to help. To do good. And I couldn't. I couldn't help him. So.. I uh. I sat for a long time. I guess a few months. Never moved. Couldn't. Everything just..just  _ hurt _ so badly. I ached. But when I finally could I prayed. Or tried praying. I didn't get an answer. I ah. I decided if She had indeed forsaken me as well, there was nothing left. So I ah. I made my plan. And then buggered it all up, thankfully."  _ Oh angel.  _ Crowley wrapped him into a tight embrace. Aziraphale wiped his eyes. "And then you came, dear girl. I guess She did hear me after all." Anathema gave him a watery smile. 

"Thank you Aziraphale." She wiped her own eyes, and turned to Crowley. "Now you. We found you drunk, laying in a destroyed apartment. What happened?" Crowley untangled himself from the Angel, but kept his hand firmly in the other's. Aziraphale life their hands, placing a soft kiss to the back of the demon's.  _ Here goes nothing I guess.  _

"After the world didn't end, things were ok. For about a month. We did everything we normally did, only we could to it together ya know? Like, really together. And that was fine! But, but then we decided to  _ really _ be  _ together _ . Which iss exactly what we wanted. B..but it wass hard, ya know? Hesss sso ssure of, of e'rything, and..and I'm jusst not. Not all the time. But drunk! I can do 'nything when 'm drunk. Sso..sso I drank. And, and it wass ok. For a bit."  _ Until I tried to kill and entire shop.  _ "But uh, I.. I drank  _ too  _ much ya ssee. And couldn't sstop drinking. Angel, he desservess better. Desservess someone who iss good. Don't angel! Itss my turn!" His temper flared quick, and Crowley pushed it back down.  _ That. That too. Work on that.  _ "An' my temper. Sssnake, you know? Quick to strike. Gotta keep myssself safe. And when I was drunk, everything was a danger. And everything made me mad. Couldn't be content. But he desservess better. I ssssshould be  _ better _ . SsoI would drink, be mad, feel asssshamed, and try to make thingssss up. Night before the Incident, we'd faught. I wasss gonna get 'im hisss favorite sssnackss. Make up for it. Didn't get that far." He hadn't noticed the tears falling until Aziraphale wiped his face. He sniffed. "Wow. Ok. Sorry about that." 

The witch shook her head. "No, this is what you're supposed to do. Talk. Feel. Try to understand where the other is coming from. You can't bottle up your emotions. You can't drink them away, or end things just because it got difficult. You have growing pains, you're getting used to a whole new existence." Newt nodded his agreement. 

"Took Ana weeks to settle in. Every book was a riddle, every move I made was some how calculated. Bloody nightmare." He smiled sheepishly at his love. "But, she's worth it. She still struggles. Some days we fight. Some days were great. It's just a balancing act. Two people can't be together and not have arguments." Anathema smiled at him.  _ Maybe these two are onto something.  _ Crowley suddenly felt drained. 

"I know you're both tired now. You've done so well. One more thing, and then we're done with this today, yeah?" Angel and demon nodded. 

"You guys need some hobbies. Something to focus on together, and apart. Not everything has to be done together. You have personal issues you have to work on too. You need to find who you are, without the outside influences." Both beings nodded again, feeling exhausted. 

"Anathema, how often do we have to do this?" Crowley whined. "We've been at this forever."

She rolled her eyes. "Crowley, it's been half an hour. It's not even 1030 in the morning."  _ Feels like it's been forever.  _ "But, maybe once a week? More if you guys need it. And if you don't always want to do it together, we can do.it separately. It's not going to be easy first. Might not feel like we're getting anywhere. But you will. I have faith in you two." 

"Alright my dear, is there anything we can get for the two of you? You've been so helpful and so patient with us these last few days."

"No. Actually were going to head back home. I know you guys are exhausted, we are too." All four rose and bid their goodbyes. Alone again, angel and demon collapsed on the couch, Aziraphale resting on Crowley's chest, legs tangled together. 

"Angel?"  _ Better to do it now when everything is fresh.  _

"Hmm?" 

"I'm really sorry." The demon's voice was soft as Aziraphale looked up at him.

"Thank you darling. I'm sorry too. And.. Crowley? I forgive you. For all of it. Everything. I know it may take time, but I hope you can forgive me too?" The demon looked shocked at his angel. 

"What for? I was the one who messed all this up!" Aziraphale hung his head in shame. 

"No my love. For before. I lied. We were always friends. Always on our own side. I've said so many terrible things. More than I probably remember. Darling, please. I've wronged you countless times.." Crowley sat thoughtfully. He mulled over his angels words. He gently disentangle himself from the angel. 

"Aziraphale. I need you to listen ok? Because, all that. All of it. I didn't know I needed it. And..and honestly I'm not sure I'm ready to forgive  _ everything _ . A lot of what was said hurt me. Almost destroyed me. But!" He cupped a hand under Aziraphale's chin, and placed a soft kiss on his forehead. "I still love you. Love this. Just gonna take time right?" He smiled weakly at his angel.  _ Please. Please don't run again.  _

"Of course my dear. We're bound to get it right eventually. As long as we're together." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gah! We made it! Just gonna do a small epilogue, probably out tomorrow or the next day. Thank you guys so much! This has been a blast!


	8. Chapter Eight

_ One Year After  _

It had been a year since Crowley and Aziraphale had started working on themselves. At first when Anathema had suggested hobbies they could do on their own, they had been skeptical. But they soon realized they had very different interests. Crowley enjoyed cooking and baking, and had gotten fairly good at it. He still chuckled when he thought of the last time Aziraphale had tried backing cookies. The flour in his hair, butter smeared across every surface of their kitchen, and the two burnt trays if what were  _ supposed _ to be cookies. And of course, his gardening had taken a huge chunk of time. 

Aziraphale had found a love for book clubs. They were held once a week, usually at Aziraphale's. There were plenty of snacks, easy conversations, and best of all the  _ books.  _ He had also taken to helping struggling students. They were usually unable to buy his books, but had a deep appreciation for them. So as they studied, Aziraphale helped them to understand the more confusing aspects of history. 

They had moved from the bustle of London into a small cottage in the country; still keeping the bookshop for the students open. Anathema and Newt ran it more often than not now, the students calling the cottage when they were in desperate need. 

The angel and demon spent many evenings by a warm fire, cuddled on the couch. Countless afternoons spent in the garden, or watching a storm roll in from their porch. And things were finally perfect. 

For about a week.

Both beings learned very quickly that healing comes with time. Crowley's temper still flared at the smallest offenses, Aziraphale still trembled when doors were slammed. Screaming matches were so common the neighbors stopped hearing them. Many calls were made to both Anathema and Newt, each session just as draining at the last. On a few memorable occasions Anathema had actually had to brandish her baton, whacking one or both entities on the top of their heads. 

Towards the end of their first year Aziraphale had sat curled on the couch, and not moved for 3 days before Crowley could coax him back. This had come after a particularly brutal argument that had left both with hearts torn. Crowley had stormed from the cottage, and Aziraphale had sat down intending only to compose himself. When Crowley returned the next day, hungover from the drunk he forgot to miracle away, he had panicked at the sight of the angel. Crowley had curled his angel into him, trying to bring him back. When he finally came back to the demon, they had both sat sobbing into the other. 

* * *

  
  


_ Five Years After  _

Eventually, things did get easier. Crowley's temper, while ever present, wasn't as quick. He felt more in control of his emotions, smiling and laughing easier. When they argued, the words weren't as biting, never hitting straight to the heart. The screaming had stopped, in its place real words and feelings brought to the surface. Aziraphale didn't retreat into himself for days at a time. And on the occasions he did, it lasted only a shirt while. Crowley could coax him back out, with soft words and a gentle touch. They knew it may never go away, but Aziraphale also knew Crowley was always waiting on the other side for him. 

They had become proper godfathers to Newt and Anathema's children, even standing at the front of the aisle at their wedding. The young pair had moved closer to Crowley, with Adam and The Them taking turns at the bookshop when Anathema and Newt couldn't get to it. 

One day, laying in bed on a lazy Sunday, Crowley had looked over towards Aziraphale as he sat reading in their bed, a wave of contentment rolling over him. It was then he realized something. 

"Angel?"

"Yes my love?" The angel closed the book, hearing the serious tone in Crowley's voice. That tone no longer sent him trembling as it had in years past. 

"I love you." Aziraphale looked over to Crowley, sprawled on his side of the bed, the only time they had sides now, and melted. He wiggled closer, laying his head on his demon's chest. Crowley's arms wound around his angel, holding him tightly. 

"I love you too my dear." 

"Angel?" The demon said softly into Aziraphale's curls. 

"What is it love?" 

"I forgive you." A knot Aziraphale didn't realize he still had, unclenched itself from his heart. He sat up, staring into the smiling face of his demon. Cupping his face he peppered the demons face in small kisses. 

"Oh darling. Oh. I didn't realize how wonderful that would be to hear." He pressed a final lingering kiss on Crowley's lips, both smiling and wet faced through it. Crowley pulled back slightly, kissing the tip of his angels nose. 

* * *

  
  


The arguing never stopped. The anxiety, the anger, it lingered within both the angel and the demon. But they worked with each other, learning and relearning the other. They worked through the bad times, and rejoiced during the good times. They fought, and they loved one another into their eternity. While they didn't live happily ever after, never another problem, they did live happily. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're finished! Thanks to everyone who read this, left comments, kudos, all of it! This has been so much fun to do, even if it was a train wreck! Thank you guys!


End file.
